he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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