Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
