Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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