i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
