When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
