Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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