i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
