You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
