I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
