I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
