so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
