You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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