my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
