Little spoons don't ask big questions
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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