I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
