Kiss
Puke
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You pole danced in your parka.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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