Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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