how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
