If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
