If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
