I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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