I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
