is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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