Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
