No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
