Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
