Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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