i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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