I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
