I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
