I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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