i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
