I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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