Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
