are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
NoShamevember. You game?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
