How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
