Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
