This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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