Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
