You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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