All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
