I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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