a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
