Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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