I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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