btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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