I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
