I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
