wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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