this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
