frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize