I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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